Turbulence and testing...

The looks on the outside don't often match the feeling on the inside - have you ever had periods like that? It seems as of late that I have. It's not that I'm unhappy, or that I'm discontent - I'm struggling with some inner turbulence.

It's been a whirlwind year for me and my family. We've relocated church buildings, launched major ministry endeavors (Easter, NB4), and even moved from the parsonage into our new home. All of this has been good, no doubt.

But there are some major trials that have gone on underneath the surface, that have placed major strains on me personally:
1) Moving the church had many challenges (purchases, deadlines, renovations, decorating, city issues) and then challenging the congregation to consistently tithe - the stress and strain personally was great, as I prayed that the church would respond, otherwise it would be a short move! Praise God that His people responded.
2) Moving from one home to another was a major strain - not the move itself, but the amount of time that it took for renovation. I didn't anticipate the amount of time I would have to spend, and how much it would knock me off rhythm in my life to do so. I am still recovering some from this, and have paid the price in ministry because of this.
3) With the influx of new people in church has also meant the outflow of others. Some of these have hurt me very deeply, for one of three reasons:
a) Some that left were friends - and no clear explanation was given. I'll never understand why this happens, nor will people ever realize the betrayal you feel when seemingly close people just leave - no note, no word (except for the lame excuses that they give to others they run into)...pain.
b) Some who left were mean - and said unkind things. Maybe true from their point of view, but not true when seen from a different viewpoint. And some, as they left, dragged others with them. Pain.
c) Some who left were needed - and they don't know it. Budgets are built, ministry plans are made, volunteers are counted - and then people leave. While there might be some legitimacy, the fact is that the mission that we are trying to accomplish is consistently deterred through lack of (fear of?) commitment. As an independent church, that is challenging. Pain.

All in all, I've been turbulent on the inside lately. New pressures have come on the scene, and I just sometimes worry and get a little overwhelmed at the challenges that we face.

Now, you might think that I need therapy - I thank God for the Christian men/leaders in my life who act as therapists and counselors. But sometimes it's just good to vent - for me, blogging is a wonderful outlet that I don't take enough time to do. But I'm not a pressure cooker internally, I'm just processing and letting those who might read this know how to better pray for me.